🍺 EST. LAST FRIDAY NIGHT 🍺

HOPIUM

"One more won't hurt."

The world's only beer brewed entirely from false promises, crushed dreams, and the unshakeable belief that tomorrow you'll definitely go to the gym.

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HOPIUM•THE BEER OF FALSE HOPE•DRINK RESPONSIBLY (we won't)•HOPIUM•ONE MORE WON'T HURT•HOPIUM•THE BEER OF FALSE HOPE•DRINK RESPONSIBLY (we won't)•HOPIUM•ONE MORE WON'T HURT•

Our story

Brewed in denial

Hopium was born on a Tuesday when someone said "I'll just have one" for the 47th consecutive time. We took that energy, bottled it, and called it a business plan.

Our proprietary Hopium Formula™ combines premium hops, barley, water, and an alarming amount of optimism. Each can contains 12oz of pure delusion — the recommended daily serving for adults who still believe Monday will be different.

0th
Time you said "just one more"
Delusion Level: Expert
0%
Regrets. For now.
Clarity Level: Minimal
0M+
Empty promises kept
Hope Level: Dangerously High

Our lineup

Pick your poison

🌅
Monday Will Be Different IPA
Crisp, hoppy, and absolutely convinced that this weekend was the last one. Notes of gym membership guilt and fresh starts.
6.9% ABV
💸
Just One More Stout
Dark, rich, and deeply delusional. Pairs well with "I'll sleep early tonight" and "I'll check my bank account tomorrow."
8.4% ABV
😅
Emotional Support Lager
Light, easy-drinking, and technically your therapist said to avoid this. Clean finish. Zero self-awareness.
4.2% ABV
📞
It's Not You It's Me Wheat
Smooth, hazy, and full of excuses. Best consumed after sending a text you regret. Pairs with "do not disturb" mode.
5.5% ABV

What people are saying

5 Stars. No Notes.

★★★★★
"I set 3 alarms for the gym. Opened a Hopium instead. 10/10, would do again tomorrow."
— Brad T., Professional Tomorrow-er
★★★★★
"My ex texted me at 2am. I had a Hopium. We're engaged now. This is probably fine."
— Anonymous, Very Fine
★★★★★
"Told myself just one. Woke up knowing three new people's life stories. Outstanding product."
— Karen M., Sociologist